That’s not an easy idea to accept. Mostly we think that when we make a wrong decision it’s just bad luck. Or we blame someone else. But it’s true. And once you realise your behaviour’s affected by a whole raft of subconscious desires and resentments, then you’ve made a big step towards understanding why things go wrong.

So why do you keep going out with bad guys? Mostly because of the sub-conscious effects of your past. And the sad fact is, most of us have had a whole shed-load of bad experiences! But once you start thinking about how they’re affecting you now, you’re well on the way towards becoming the person you want to be – no matter how bad your life’s been so far.

Like you’re programmed to seek relationships that reflect how your parents treated you.

So if one of your parents had problems and the other one spent all their time sorting them out, then chances are you’re always going for people who’s lives are a mess. Let someone else look after them – they’re bad news.

If your parents weren’t around for you, then you’ll likely seek partners who neglect you. If your parents put each other down, you choose partners who do the same. If your parents were distant towards you, you’ll unconsciously be attracted towards cold and distant partners. Or fall for people who’re married. They can’t be there for you either. If either of your parents had affairs, you’re likely to be super suspicious – regardless of whether your spouse has ever done anything to deserve it. Or inclined to think flirting’s no big deal – even though it upsets your partner something rotten. But once you realise what’s going on, you can understand and start to change your behaviour.

It’s not just parents. D’you keep falling for guys who never treat you right? Hmm.. Was your first lover a gorgeous disreputable hunk? Then maybe you’ve never quite gotten over him. Because the first time you make love’s very important. Forever after you’ll subconsciously associate intimacy with what happens. Which may mean that you can’t get turned on by kind and considerate lovers.

So what should you do if you’re in a bad relationship? Think about your childhood and your earlier relationships. Is your partner anything like your previous experiences? If they’re mistreating you, accept you’ve made a mistake and move on. Now. List all the good things you’d like in a partner. Drop anyone who isn’t a pretty good match. And in future only mix with people who’re good to you. That way you only have nice people to fall for! Don’t laugh, it works!

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Well, leaving aside all the romantic stuff – whether he’s good looking for example, or seems keen to marry you – there are basically four things you need to figure out about him before you seriously consider getting married.

The first is how he’s making his way in the world! After all, what’s the point of hitching yourself to a loser? So check out whether he’s taking life seriously. Because while it might be fun being with a guy who likes partying, in the long run it’s more important that he can always pay the rent!

Then you need to check out whether his behaviour is ‘normal’. Now I know that sounds a bit extreme, but there really are people you shouldn’t marry. Because their way of looking at the world is so unusual.

The trouble is, they can seem very attractive to begin with – only to cause you endless distress as the years go by. So it’s a good idea to be sensitive to anyone whose behaviour is at all weird, and to avoid marrying them!

Like anyone who’s jealous, controlling or cruel. Or someone who’s driven by the need for attention. Forever trying to make an impression. Their behaviour suggests excitement and passion to begin with, but the reality’s different. And they can really make you miserable when things don’t go their way.

People with borderline personality disorder can be charming to begin with, but they explode into rage over something as simple as you being late. So you end up desperately trying not to upset them.

Or narcissists, who think they’re better than everyone else. They can be great fun when you first meet – exciting, charismatic, a little bit ‘dangerous’ and forever making breathtaking romantic gestures. But they try to dominate their partners, and they’re unfaithful, cold and unavailable…

Get the idea? Avoid any guy who’s odd, no matter how exciting he seems!

Next, does his personality match yours? Because you’ll be much happier with someone who’s approach to life is similar to yours. So check out his interests and preferences. Nothing in common? Chances are you’ll not be happy together for long.

Do you share similar beliefs about politics, religion, possessions and money? Then the relationship’s likely to prosper.

And what about his attitude towards relationships? If your guy’s ideal relationship is relaxed, independent and laid back, for example, while you want to get really close, then there’s trouble ahead.

And last but not least, there’s his smell? I’m serious! Because we make a lot of deeply subconscious decisions about a potential mate – and we experience the results as a real liking for each other’s smell and a feeling of being truly comfortable together. Is that you? Great! That’s your intuition telling you that you really are good for one another…

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Perhaps. Certainly the hours you have to put in to succeed at work don’t help. Because finding the right man’s hard work! So if you find that your work’s limiting your social life, then it’s time to think about your priorities. And you don’t just have to go out to meet a good man. You have to go to the right places! Not that you shouldn’t hang out with your girlfriends, but you also have to go where the men are! So start taking on interest in sport, for example. The sorts of sport that men like – and that doesn’t include aerobics! Instead, learn karate. Or do weights! And make sure you join the sort of sports club where the members socialise a lot. You’re not there to become an Olympic hopeful, you’re there to meet men!

And you have to send the signals that attract them. Because it’s not enough just to be where the men are. You have to invite them to take an interest in you! Don’t laugh, it’s a little known fact that women lead the whole courtship process. So a man won’t talk to a girl unless she makes it clear that she’ll welcome him. And that’s all about body language.

So watch for the signs that a guy’s looking for a girl to talk to. He’ll be watching the girl’s eyes. And if you find him even remotely attractive, you’ll feel a strong urge to look away when his eyes meet yours. But try to do that carefully. Because it’s the way you look away that signals your level of interest. If you don’t fancy him, look up. If you’re not sure, look sideways.

But if you look down, with a slight smile on your face, then you’re saying you like the look of him. Count a few seconds and catch his eye again, with a stronger smile or looking a little anxious. Then unless he’s a complete wimp – and you don’t want one of those – he’s more than likely to approach you.

But before he quite gets there, you should move a tad. If you’ve changed your mind turn away. Chances are he’ll go. But if you turn towards him and smile, he’ll start a conversation.

Just be courteous. Nothing personal. Open ended questions that’ll take more than a few words to answer. Make sure your voice’s low and warm. And just chat as if you’re friends. Light and interested. Watch his body language to see how you’re getting on – and have fun!

Soon you’ll be finding out all about him – and figuring out whether or not there might be a real chance for you both. Whether he’s as interested as you are – and one of the good guys. But how do you do that? Good question! Watch this space…

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But if it isn’t chance, what is it? Many of us think it’s some sort of ‘sixth sense’ that helps lucky people foresee how things will turn out. But a brilliant experiment has ruled that out. Many hundreds of people were asked to fill in questionnaires about their luck – and to buy tickets in a lottery. And what happened? On average, lucky people won or lost exactly the same as everyone else! What that means is that when an event is completely random – like a lottery – luck has no effect at all. So it’s not some sort of mysterious ability to see into the future.

But it’s real, all right. Psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman has spent a lifetime studying lucky and unlucky people. And he found that their lives certainly are different. But why?

Luck is all about opportunities. And it turns out that lucky people spot, create and take advantage of opportunities better than the rest of us. And the reason has nothing to do with chance. Lucky people have personality traits which help them to generate and manage opportunities well. For example, they tend to be extroverts: so they like meeting people – and keeping in touch. They smile a lot, make lots of eye contact, and other people like them.

That might sound trivial – but the more people you talk to, the more opportunities come your way. Job opportunities, dates, business deals, you name it. And it only takes one chance encounter to change a life…

What’s more, lucky people generally have relaxed attitudes – and so they notice things better. Because if you’re tense and anxious, it’s harder to see what’s in front of you. Have you ever noticed how it’s difficult to find things when you’re stressed? Luck’s just like that. Lucky people spot more opportunities because of their relaxed way of looking at the world. They tend not to go out searching for them. Desperately trying to find their dream partner, or someone who will offer them the job of a lifetime. But they always recognise an opportunity when they see it! At parties, meetings and the like, they listen and watch – relaxed and receptive. Reacting to what’s available, rather than trying to find what they want to see.

They also like to have loads of variety in their lives. They love trying new experiences, new food – and new ways of doing things. They seek out new people to meet, places to go and things to do. And what does that mean – more opportunities!

Lucky people listen to their intuition. 90% of lucky people trust their intuition in personal relationships, and 80% in career choices. They’re much more likely than unlucky people to use their intuition when considering important financial matters. They don’t rush into a decision, but give their intuition time to work on it. By sleeping on the problem, or deliberately clearing their mind of anxieties and returning to it later. And it definitely works – but why?

Psychologists have been studying the way we think, feel and behave for over a hundred years. And one of their most surprising conclusions has been how much of what goes on in our brains is unconscious. In fact, we’re only aware of a tiny fraction of the things that influence our decisions – something that has been confirmed by hundreds of experiments. And it turns out that our subconscious is very good at making complex decisions. It integrates huge amounts of information about people we meet – their countless tiny gestures, for example – into our lifetime of experience. We end up with a ‘gut-feel’ as to whether we like them or not. Lucky people listen to these ‘hunches’. They can rarely tell you WHY they feel the way they do – but more often than not they’re right. And that’s all it takes to be lucky.

Lucky people are different in other ways too. They have dreams and ambitions – don’t we all. But lucky people expect them to happen. They’re convinced that their own efforts will bear fruit – and that events beyond their control will consistently work out for them. Unlucky people feel just the opposite. They always feel that events both within and outside their control will work against them. Lucky people see things that go wrong as temporary – and don’t let them affect their expectations about the future. Unlucky people always expect the worst. Anything nice will only last a short while – and they’ll swiftly revert to their regular bad luck.

And our expectations matter. They affect our health. Lucky people expect to be healthy, so they tend to look after themselves well. Unlucky people see little point in trying to lead healthy lives – and so they suffer far more cancer, cardiovascular disease and accidents.

Our expectations affect how we behave towards others – and how they behave towards us. Lucky people expect their interactions with others to be successful – so they are. If you meet your date expecting they’ll like you, a smile all over your face – guess what? Your date ends up feeling the same about you! Positive expectations help us achieve our dreams and ambitions. They become become self-fulfilling prophesies…

Lucky people have one last secret weapon. They experience bad things just like the rest of us. But they react to them differently. They always seem able to transform misfortunes into good luck! They see the positive side of what’s happened to them and are convinced that in the long run, it will turn out for the best. They don’t dwell on their troubles, but instead take constructive steps to prevent them in the future.

So which are you? Do you recognise yourself? Luck isn’t something that happens to other people. It’s something we create – all by ourselves. By our attitudes, and the use we make of our experience and intuition. So if enough people e-mail me to say they’re interested, next week I’ll describe how you can change your luck for the better!

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Recognise the symptoms? All you got was about 2 hours sleep before the noise in your head woke you up. Your bed seemed to be flying endlessly around the room. You spent the rest of the night sitting on the floor, cuddling the only friend you have left in the world – the toilet. You’ve drunk gallons of water but still haven’t peed once. Even vegetarians are craving cheeseburgers. You have the attention span and intelligence of an office stapler – and all you can handle are junk e-mails.

Depending on your gender, it looks like shaving didn’t go quite right, or you put your make-up on in a speeding matatu. There’s toothpaste crust at the corners of your mouth from your attempts at brushing your teeth and you scare little children just by walking past them…

So why on Earth do we drink in the first place? Drinking’s one of those issues that people have strong opinions about. But for much of world history alcohol was simply essential. When people in North Africa, the Middle East and Europe first started living together in towns and cities, it quickly became impossible to find unpolluted water. So fermented liquids like beer were all you could drink – and they became part of the culture. Their alcohol and acidity kept them free of infection – and they weren’t particularly strong – but people there must have been mildly drunk all the time! Bear that in mind when you’re reading history…

Nowadays, we mostly like alcohol because it reduces our inhibitions and helps us be more sociable. But it also depresses the central nervous system, first causing euphoria and then, as the alcohol wears off, anxiety and depression. At low levels, alcohol causes blood vessels to dilate, which is why we appear flushed. It impairs IQ, reaction times, muscle co-ordination and balance, also causing muscle tremors, slurred speech, impaired hearing, blurred vision and poor distance judgement. Sleep patterns are disturbed because the brain becomes more alert as the depressant effects wear off. Drinking large amounts of alcohol leads to headache, nausea, vomiting, thirst, tremors, dizziness, fatigue and muscle cramps. Ultimately vital functions are lost.

Despite all this, drinking moderate amounts of alcohol is good for you. The main benefit seems to be a reduced risk of coronary heart disease. A daily consumption of two standard drinks reduces an individual’s risk by 20 to 30 percent compared to someone who abstains.

But there’s no doubt that heavy drinking is a very bad idea. It contributes to cirrhosis of the liver, pancreatitis, several cancers, degenerative neurological disorders, high blood pressure, hemorrhagic stroke, and large numbers of accidents, murders and suicides. Approximately one third of all babies born to alcoholic mothers will develop central nervous system and growth abnormalities. Too much alcohol is also associated with ‘holiday heart syndrome’, a disturbance of the heart rhythm seen when people go binge drinking.

And so back to the morning after…

Some aspects of a hangover are alcohol withdrawal symptoms, such as a rapid heartbeat and feeling twitchy and sweaty. Acetaldehyde, a breakdown product of alcohol metabolism, plays a role. Chemicals called congeners which are formed during alcohol manufacture increase hangovers. Probably by triggering the release of cytokines, which are the same molecules that cause the achy, tired feelings we get when we have flu. Dark liquors such as brandy, wine, tequila and whisky contain high levels of congeners and tend to produce severe hangovers, compared to clear liquors such as white rum, vodka, and gin.

Alcohol inhibits our antidiuretic hormone, resulting in excessive urination and the dehydration we’re so familiar with. Hangovers are made worse by consuming larger quantities of alcohol than you can tolerate, drinking rapidly or without diluting the alcohol with food, water, or soft drinks. Mixing different alcoholic drinks is a really bad idea, and smoking, loud music, flashing lights and loss of sleep make hangover headaches much more intense.

Recently, a group of doctors reported in The Archives of Internal Medicine that an extract from the fruit of the prickly pear cactus, Opuntia Ficus, reduced hangover symptoms like dry mouth and nausea. Others recommend pills containing activated calcium carbonate and activated charcoal. Prickly pear extract is claimed to help by reducing the body’s response to congeners, while activated charcoal and calcium carbonate may work by absorbing them.

And of course, everyone has their own personal cures. Some use vitamin C. Others swear by tomato juice, raw eggs, sodas, hot coffee or big greasy breakfasts. But there’s little evidence to support most of them. Tomato juice may help because it contains salt which helps the body retain fluids. But raw egg make no sense at all – unless the disgusting taste takes your mind off the hangover!

Many doctors recommend drinking orange juice or sports drinks that replenish electrolytes. Sugar-containing foods don’t seem to help, but sweet fluids help overcome hypoglycemia and dehydration, and antacids can help alleviate nausea. Headache pills should be used cautiously though. Aspirin may irritate the stomach and the toxic effects of acetaminophen in the liver are amplified by alcohol. Other drugs such as beta-blockers, propranolol, prostaglandin inhibitors, psychotropic sedatives and vitamin B6 have all been recommended, but generally produce little benefit.

The worst thing you can do is to drink more alcohol – the traditional cure known as the ‘hair of the dog (that bit you)’. It feels as if it’s helping because it reduces the impact of alcohol withdrawal – but it also impairs mental functioning still further, increases the likelihood of alcohol addiction and leads to a worse hangover later on.

The sad fact is that a true hangover cure hasn’t been found yet. So the best plan’s to drink no faster than the rate at which your body can process alcohol – about one drink an hour – and drink loads of water.

Dull as it sounds, that’s the best science can offer right now. Mind you, that doesn’t seem to stop us. As my son once put it: ‘I always set off intending to just drink a sensible amount – and then go straight on to drink a really stupid amount! I know exactly how he feels…

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Superstitions are interesting because most of us have these really strong feelings that they do make things happen. But actually they don’t. We feel like that because our brains are designed to work out what causes things to happen in our lives. Like figuring out that certain foods upset your stomach, so you can avoid them in the future. But our brains are sometimes fooled. Like when a horoscope or a charm seems to work once or twice – especially over something that’s important to us. Our subconscious logs them down as causing whatever it is we wanted to happen. But in fact they don’t. The relationship’s just a coincidence.

Superstitious behaviour looks like something that can only affect humans. After all, how can animals have beliefs such as luck? But one of the most famous psychologists ever – Professor B F Skinner – decided to check this out. He believed that animal and human behaviour is fundamentally very similar. It’s just that human behaviour is more complex and difficult to explain. So he argued that in order to understand human behaviour, you should first study the simpler behaviour of animals. And just to prove his point, he offered to make pigeons superstitious!

His pigeons were being fed just a little less than they wanted. So that they were hungry and always looking for food. Every day he placed each pigeon in turn into a special cage for a few minutes, and left them on their own to do whatever pigeons do in cages. And once every fifteen seconds a mechanism dropped a food pellet into a feeding tray. Exactly every fifteen seconds. Regardless of anything else that was happening in the cage.

No matter what the pigeons did, they got the same amount of food, and at exactly the same intervals. But that’s not how it appeared to the pigeons! After a few days, they had developed a whole range of strange behaviours. Different for each pigeon. And in every case something they’d never done before the experiment. One pigeon turned anti-clockwise several times between each pellet drop. Another would thrust it’s head into one of the upper corners of the cage. Others developed curious rocking movements or made brushing gestures with their beaks.

The birds had become superstitious! They were acting as if it was their movements that were producing the food – when in fact there was no connection at all. It would have appeared anyway. Just by accident, each pigeons had happened to make one of these movements just before a pellet was released. And in the pigeon’s mind that was the reason why it had been fed. So they started repeating them. And so there would be more coincidences. Which made them even more convinced they were right.

I’ll bet you’re thinking this could never happen to us? But I’m also sure you’ve seen people doing similar things! Like a bowler who continues to behave as if he’s controlling the ball after he’s let it go? Maybe turning his body or twisting his hands. Or shouting to encourage the ball. Rationally you know he can’t affect it at all – but we often do such things. A few times the ball will happen to move in the direction he wants – and that’s enough to reinforce his behaviour. But it’s always pure chance. In fact, these accidental coincidences can be few and far between – and yet his brain will continue to be convinced that he can affect the ball. Maybe for the rest of his life.

Psychologists have created superstitious behaviour in humans too, just to prove the point. In one experiment, psychology students were sat in front of of four buttons, and told that if they figured out the right ones to press a bell would sound. And they would receive a small payment. In fact, the only thing that worked was pressing button number three. But only after a delay of ten seconds. And that’s what caused the superstitious behaviour. During those ten seconds, the students would be trying other buttons in all sorts of combinations. The bell would always sound exactly ten seconds after number three had been pressed – but the students all believed that the other buttons they’d pressed were necessary as well.

Every student developed a pattern of pressing buttons (like 1,4,2,3,1,4,2,3,1,4,2,3…) that they repeated over and over again between the times the bell sounded. They really only needed to press button number three and wait – but they all came to believe that the other buttons had to be pressed in some sequence or other to ‘set things up’. Not one of them realised what was really going on – or that their behaviour was superstitious!

And in fact we see behaviour just like this in real life. Superstitious behaviour sounds irrational – but it really is just a result of the way our brains try to figure out what’s going on around us. And it may even be helpful. By making us feel less anxious and more confident. People who are employed in dangerous occupations tend to be far more superstitious that everyone else. And maybe that’s because their superstitions make them feel more in control of a difficult situation.

So the next time you find yourself doing something superstitious, try to figure out how you might have come to believe that it works. But don’t feel you have to stop! You might smile a little at what you’re doing in future – but it’s still a good idea if it helps you feel better.

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So they have a myriad enthusiastic teachers – often very skilled. Especially for the first three years, when the patterns of a lifetime are established. Frequent handling means that their physical skills develop quickly. They have endless stimulation. Not only from their immediate family, but also a wide circle of other family members, friends and neighbours. They quickly learn social skills such as greetings, farewells, and playing with other children.

They feel loved, accepted and secure, and quickly understand emotions such as joy, laughter and sorrow. They’re encouraged to show their emotions and to make friends with people around them. Negative emotions, such as anger, aggression and jealousy are gently discouraged.

And African children thrive on all this attention! They learn to walk and talk earlier than western children. Studies in Uganda, South Africa, Botswana, Tanzania, Zambia and Nigeria report early development in African children. Worldwide studies of psychomotor development showed that African infants were ahead of all other ethnic groups studied.

Most African children sleep close to parents or siblings, and are constantly with loving carers throughout the day. They’re never left to cry for long. In fact, sleeping alone from birth is unique to the USA and a few industrialised European countries. In a study of 186 non-industrialised cultures, two thirds of children slept in the company of their parents, mostly in the same bed or at least in the same room. The USA was the only society in which babies are routinely placed in their own beds in their own rooms.

But why should child-rearing practices differ like this around the world? After all, you’d think that children’s needs would be the same everywhere. But ideas about child-rearing spring from beliefs about children – which are derived from people’s cultures and values. Here, a birth is a cause for celebration and joy. Children are seen as an investment, valued for their contribution to family life and everyone’s responsibility.

Not so in the west – especially in America. Parents feel solely responsible for their children, and the extended family typically has far less influence. Independence and privacy are greatly valued, and children are seen as a cost rather than an investment. They’re not expected to work, but rather to learn. Or to care for ageing parents, which is why people worry about pensions so much.

Babies sleep alone, and are expected to cry a lot – for attention, exercise, or for no reason at all. Parents think that picking up a crying baby risks spoiling them – and making them less independent. American parents offer little physical contact – but they do talk to them a lot. Their ideal baby is talkative, independent, and self-reliant. Children are believed to succeed or fail by their own efforts, and the social skills that are taught are intended to help the child succeed in an individualistic society.

Of course, within these culturally different approaches to child rearing, the approach of individual parents towards their children also varies. Diana Baumrind famously identified four contrasting styles, which have a significant impact on the development of children.

Authoritative parents are flexible but firm. They have clear expectations for behaviour and conduct – and they enforce them. Rather than being punitive, their disciplinary methods shape responsibility and co-operation. They encourage their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible. They are warm and interact well with them, while at the same time retaining their authority and staying in control. They expect mature behaviour at an early age. Their children tend to be well adjusted, and socially skilled. They are resilient, achievement oriented, mature and responsible.

Authoritarian parents rely on punishment. They value obedience above all and are controlling, show less warmth and are distant and aloof. They discourage discussion and debate. Their children tend to lack social skills, have lower self-esteem and rarely take the initiative. They show less intellectual curiosity, lack spontaneity and just do as they are told.

Permissive parents make few demands and use little discipline. They’re lenient, tolerate immature behaviour and avoid confrontation. They’re warm and accepting, but worry more about stifling their children’s creativity than developing good behaviour. Their children are often clever, but lack maturity. They’re less achievement oriented, lack social skills, have difficulty controlling their impulses and are reluctant to accept responsibility.

Neglecting parents do not structure or organise their children’s lives. They rarely discipline them. Their children cope badly and are the least competent of the four groups. They tend to be antisocial, achieve poor marks in school, are more immature and reject their parents as role models. They’re the most likely to use drugs or alcohol. More single parent homes fall into this type that into the authoritative or authoritarian groups.

In fact, the literature on parenting styles consistently shows that the authoritative approach is by far the most effective style. Dr Carolyn Webster-Stratton of the University of Washington, USA has demonstrated over many years that it produces greater competence and better behaviour in children of all ages. The benefits continue into early adulthood.

What does this research tell us? You should talk to your kids! Make your expectations clear. If they do wrong explain why, with your reasons, while listening to their point of view. Let them know that their opinions are valued, but stick to your conclusions. Setting limits help children develop self-control. Be a good role model. Children pay far more attention to what you do than what you say! They learn by imitation and identification as well as discussion.

But is the family environment all that matters? Apparently not. Studies on identical twins show that by the time they’re adults, about half of their personality comes from the genes we gave them. And another third seems to come from influences outside of the family! So although parenting styles make a big difference during childhood, the final outcome mainly depends on heredity and culture. This doesn’t mean that children can manage without their parents. Far from it. They learn skills in the family that are crucial for their development elsewhere. But parents can afford to relax a bit. Because most children seem to develop into perfectly good adults, however many mistakes we make. The rest we can blame on their schools and their friends!

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Even today, people believe there are things that favour a boy. Like eating red meat and salty food. Making love standing up. Or from behind. At night, on odd days of the month during the quarter moon. The man should be the one to suggest lovemaking. For a girl you’re supposed to do exactly the opposite. Make love in the missionary position or woman on top. During the day, on even days of the month at full moon. And eat fish, vegetables and chocolate! If you’re relaxed you’ll have a girl. Stressed? You’ll have a son. Others believe the baby’s sex depends on which partner is dominant in the relationship.

Needless to say, none of them work! They sound good because people only tell you when they seemed to work out. We never get to hear about the failures.

But it goes to show how important the sex of a child is to people. And the desire for a male is very widespread. From China to Southeast Asia, India, Egypt and Senegal. But why? And does anything really influence the sex of a child? The two questions are related.

Normally, between 103 and 105 boys are born per 100 girls. Because males die more often, this results in equal numbers of males and females during their reproductive years. But it’s long been known that this ratio is influenced by the circumstances of the parents. Apart from their family history that is – some families seem to have a genetic pre-disposition one way or the other.

Very wealthy or high status males – like the American presidents and men in Who’s Who – have more boys than they should. Fewer boys are born to polygynous relationships. It was observed as early as the 1870s that single-mothers have more girls than boys – and fewer boys have been born in the west since single-mothers became common. And a study of over 60,000 American births showed women are much more likely to have a boy when living with a man at the time of conception.

The first thing this suggests is that a woman’s body knows when she’s cohabiting. We know that’s true, because there are measurable hormonal changes in women who make love regularly. Which have an effect on her moods. Women who have frequent, unprotected sex are happier and suffer less depression than those who don’t.

But why does the sex ratio change? For the same reason boys are prized throughout the world – and why social arrangements in most cultures favour boys. Successful males have far more children than women – one man is reliably known to have had at least a thousand!

But if some men have lots of children, what about the others? DNA studies across the world, from the Khoisan of South Africa to the Khalks of Mongolia, show that far fewer men than women pass on their genes. The variability of mitochondrial DNA, which in inherited only from the mother, is much higher than that of the Y chromosome, which is inherited only from the father. This means that fewer men contribute to the genes of each generation compared to women – only about half of them in fact.

There’s a lot of evidence to support this. Over 10% of all children in the UK are not the children of their mother’s husband, for example – although he probably doesn’t know that! And although just as many women as men are promiscuous, the women are choosy – and they have similar tastes. So the same few men get chosen! And the children of these lucky men get more than their share of opportunities in the next generation – and so the story goes on…

Men’s genes travel further too! Although in 70% of modern cultures the woman moves to her husband’s family, it’s men’s genes that seem to be more widely dispersed. It seems that the tall dark stranger, has always been an attractive proposition!

The same thing’s been observed in animals. Like very many Scandinavian wolves are descended from just one lucky male who wandered in from Russia…

So, it makes sense that a woman’s body ‘prefers’ to have a boy when things are going well. Because a high status boy – fit, tall, handsome, well educated, high status and wealthy – is likely to have far more children than a daughter. And her son will be more successful if there’s a man around – especially a high status and wealthy one – who will help her rear her child. When times are hard, however – like when she’s on her own – it’s safer to have a girl. A daughter will almost certainly have children, while a low status boy might have none at all. So this is what we see in practice, although it’s completely unconscious. And although the shift from the normal sex ratio is small – just a few percent – it has a big effect across a whole population.

But can we consciously CHOOSE the sex of our children – more accurately than watching the moon? Yes we can. There are three methods available, based on examining sperm or embryos for the sex determining X and Y chromosomes.

In Pre-Implantation Genetic Diagnosis, eggs fertilised in the lab are examined for X or Y chromosomes. The desired ones are then implanted in the mother’s womb. The method is invasive, but accuracy is virtually guaranteed.

In the Ericsson technique, X and Y-chromosome bearing sperm are separated by diffusion and transferred into the uterus of the wife close to the time of ovulation. The MicroSort method marks X and Y chromosome with a fluorescent dye and sorts them electrically. Both procedures claim success rates approaching 80 %, really work – and appear safe – but are hugely expensive.

And interestingly, many couples using these techniques want to have girls. Why? Perhaps because as infant mortality falls, the pressure on women to have children is reduced. So they enjoy more reproductive control and higher status. They feel positive about their own future and are confident that their daughters will have similar opportunities – and want to have a girl to share the experience.

Perhaps the age old preference for boys is gradually ending – never to return?

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There wasn’t much for you to see, because the womb’s almost completely dark. But all your other senses had plenty to work on. The first to develop was touch, and you would have responded to a caress on the lips or cheek by about eight weeks. Babies touch their faces from about ten weeks, and would be able to feel the umbilical cord – or a twin if there is one.

And they can taste! Babies begin to swallow the fluid that surrounds them in the womb from about twelve weeks. We know it’s taste varies, because it adsorbs flavours from their mother’s diet. So babies experience the taste of what she’s eating. And they have definite preferences! By fifteen to sixteen weeks they can be seen swallowing more of the fluid when it tastes sweet and less when it’s not.

The womb may be dark, but it’s certainly not quiet. Babies can hear their mother’s heartbeat, blood flow, digestion and sounds from outside. The fundamental frequencies of the human voice pass easily through our bodies, and recordings made in the womb show that speech can be clearly distinguished from the other background noises. Babies begin to respond to sounds from about twenty-two weeks or so, and by the time they’re born they can discriminate between different voices – including their mother’s.

They show pain responses from about twenty-four weeks, when the appropriate neural pathways are first formed. Like flinching from a sharp point. But it’s not clear whether a foetus experiences pain in the same way as you do as an adult. Because pain’s very subjective and so foetal behaviour may not be what it seems from your point of view. So giving analgesics to a foetus, during keyhole surgery for example, may not be such a good idea. Because the drugs may also have bad side effects.

No-one’s sure whether things that a baby learns before it’s born have any lasting effects – like improving its intelligence or language abilities for example. But new-born babies certainly remember things that happened in the womb. Like they prefer their mother’s voice and smell from their very first moments. Implying that they remember them from before they were born. They also prefer music they’ve heard in the womb. Babies tend not to like new tastes, especially strong flavours like garlic. But they react less strongly to a strange taste if it’s something their mother ate during pregnancy.

So babies have quite an active life before they’re born! They move around, seem to sense their environment and learn things about it. But why don’t they just sleep the whole time? In fact we now know that a baby’s behaviour in the womb is important for it’s development. For example the brain does not wire itself up correctly if it has no sensory input. So it’s likely that the baby’s experiences in the womb are necessary for the brain to form properly. The brain grows at a simply incredible rate before birth – up to two hundred and fifty thousand new brain cells every minute. And it has to have experience for new cells to make the right connections to each other.

Movement’s also essential for the development of joints and muscles. Because joints are first formed with rough, unshaped surfaces and only develop the correct shape and smoothness if they’re able to move. Limb’s that become trapped in the womb are likely to be malformed, as for example in club foot.

Other movements are essential to prepare babies for things they must do after they’re born. So they start practising breathing movements from about nine weeks. They ‘breathe’ for about a third of their time after thirty weeks. It sounds like a waste of effort, since there’s no air for them to breathe, but these movements are important. They help the nerves in the breathing system to mature so that they work properly when they’re finally required.

And by the time they’re born, babies already know what breast milk should taste like! Because the same processes that flavour the amniotic fluid also flavour breast milk. And babies don’t like change. So mothers who alter their diet when their baby’s born tend to have much more difficulty starting to breast-feed than mothers whose diet remains the same – because the baby doesn’t like the new taste!

In fact all of a new-born babies senses are working – but everything’s so completely new that they don’t really know what’s going on around them – except for the things they’ve learnt in the womb. So the only thing that a new baby’s able to recognise straight away is the smell and sound of it’s mother. Very tiny babies not only recognise and prefer their mother’s voice, but also the language she speaks. They know when they are hearing a strange language and react to it.

We now know quite a lot about what a baby experiences in the womb. We know that the moment when a baby’s abilities come ‘on-line’ is not an all-or-nothing thing. Instead it’s a gradual process with no clear starting point for any particular behaviour. We’re able to observe the bad effects of drugs such as alcohol on the developing baby. And the effects of it’s mother’s moods. So for example, we now know that if a pregnant mother is highly anxious a lot of the time then the baby will suffer slower mental and physical development as a child. And more behavioural and emotional problems.

The first thirty-eight weeks of our lives used to be shrouded in mystery. Not any more. Now psychologists are able to understand the importance of things that happen to us before we’re born – and to suggest ways to provide children with a better start in life.

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So despite it’s apparent simplicity, yawning is quite extensively studied! Generally psychologists tend not to research simple behaviours, probably because they think people might laugh at them if they did. They like to go for complex problems, like polygyny or child abuse. But yawning is an exception. It’s studied because it’s a behaviour pattern that we share with very many animals and it occurs in so many different situations. And because it’s so catching.

Everyone knows that we yawn more and for longer when we’re bored. That’s one of the reasons it’s so embarrassing. Males who are bored tend to have longer yawns than bored females. And most people assume that we do it because our bodies need more oxygen. That sounds sensible, doesn’t it? After all, when we’re bored or tired, we breathe more slowly, so less air goes through the lungs, so the brain signals the lungs to take a deep breath and so we yawn. The trouble is, even breathing enriched air, or exercising so that we breathe faster, makes no difference to how often we yawn. We don’t yawn because we need more air.

We can all agree on what a yawn is like though. It’s a very deep breath, taken with the mouth round and wide open. It ventilates all parts of the lungs, something which doesn’t happen with normal quiet breathing. The mouth opens fairly slowly, closing more swiftly. There’s usually a visible swelling of the throat, our eyes close and we lower our brows. Lots of animals appear to yawn, but many of the simpler creatures merely gape – opening the mouth wide and not taking a deep breath. Most mammals yawn just like us though. Scientists have tried hard to classify human yawns, but actually they all look the same. The only thing that changes is when we do it! There seems to be only two basic types; the ‘social yawn’, and the ‘wake-up’ yawn, which just seems part of our general stretching routine.

And just like stretching, yawning is a reflex. It even occurs in animals that have been born without a correctly formed brain. But normally it’s triggered by stimuli like tiredness, the sight of others yawning or social stress. Yawning increases blood pressure and heart rate and also flexes muscles and joints. If you try to stifle or prevent it by clenching your jaws shut, a yawn is somehow less ‘satisfying’. For some reason, the stretching of jaw and face muscles is necessary. Yawning seems to keep the brain aroused in situations where sleep is unwanted, like in the early morning and when struggling to stay awake at night. It’s associated with high states of alertness – and stress or fear. At athletics events, you sometimes find participants in the race of their lives standing in the starting block and yawning. Or musicians as they psych themselves up before a concert.

All yawns seem to last about six seconds and are very difficult to stop once they get going. They really are infectious – it’s not just a coincidence. Studies have shown that forty to sixty percent of people who see a yawn end up by joining in. Yawning can be extraordinarily catching. Hearing one can trigger a yawn. Even sitting alone in a room thinking or reading about one can cause a yawn.

We have a brain mechanism that detects a yawning face – even in our imagination – and which then triggers the same behaviour. Once the neurological machinery in our head gets underway it’s hard to stop. But why? It seems that contagious yawning is caused by something very important to humans: empathy, the ability to identify with other people’s feelings.

People who are particularly prone to contagious yawning also tend to score highly on tests that measure levels of empathy. They are people who are in-tune with what others may be feeling and contagious yawning suggests that they’re inclined, in certain situations, to unconsciously mimic their behaviour. They tend to be the same people who say ‘ouch’ when someone else stubs a toe or steps on a sharp object.

This ability to feel empathy for others is an important part of being human. It only develops when we are a year or so old – just like contagious yawning – and no animals show any signs of empathy whatsoever, except chimpanzees and orang-utans. It is a definite advantage to us as a species: binding social groups together through their feelings for one another and bringing individuals closer together.

Some schizophrenics are unable to empathize with others, and so psychologists have also examined contagious yawners for traits that are considered normal in healthy individuals but which resemble those of people with schizophrenia. People who score highly on tests for these traits are also less likely to show contagious yawning. That doesn’t mean that if you don’t experience contagious yawning you might be at risk of having schizophrenia. None of the people in the yawning studies had schizophrenia and many of them did not yawn in response to images of people yawning.

But noticing whether or not a person exhibits contagious yawning does give us a clue as to whether they are likely to have an ability to understand how others feel.

And this is an important part of forming relationships. Or to be more precise, forming a relationship with someone who has more than their fair share of empathy is one of life’s great joys. They’re the people who find it easy to put themselves in other people’s shoes. They tend to notice instantly when they’ve committed a social faux pas, or caused offence – and to smooth things over. They tell wonderful jokes, because they appreciate what other people will find funny. And you won’t be surprised to hear, they tend to catch yawns from other people!

So guys, if you notice your date yawning, it might not be quite the bad thing you imagine it is. Maybe, just maybe, you’re not quite as boring as you feared. Maybe she’s a highly empathetic person whose catching the yawns from the folks around her. If so, look after her really well – she could become the love of your life!

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