Do you tend to make the same mistakes over and over again? Like falling for the bad guys? Want to change that? Good. But it’s not easy. Because although it feels like we choose what we do, mostly it’s actually our unconscious mind that decides. So we’re not even aware of why we’re making our choices!

That’s not an easy idea to accept. Mostly we think that when we make a wrong decision it’s just bad luck. Or we blame someone else. But it’s true. And once you realise your behaviour’s affected by a whole raft of subconscious desires and resentments, then you’ve made a big step towards understanding why things go wrong. Continue Reading

It’s so hard to make your mind up when you’re looking for a husband. Because when you’re out with a guy, he’s bound to make sure he looks his best and only ever tells you about his good side. So if you’re seriously looking for a man to marry, how can you tell the sheep from the goats?

Well, leaving aside all the romantic stuff – whether he’s good looking for example, or seems keen to marry you – there are basically four things you need to figure out about him before you seriously consider getting married. Continue Reading

Your career’s started well, but you want to get married too. So where are all the nice men? What does it take to be as successful in the marriage game as you are at work? Could it be that demands of work somehow get in the way? Or that you need a few extra skills to meet the right man?

Perhaps. Certainly the hours you have to put in to succeed at work don’t help. Because finding the right man’s hard work! So if you find that your work’s limiting your social life, then it’s time to think about your priorities. And you don’t just have to go out to meet a good man. You have to go to the right places! Not that you shouldn’t hang out with your girlfriends, but you also have to go where the men are! So start taking on interest in sport, for example. The sorts of sport that men like – and that doesn’t include aerobics! Instead, learn karate. Or do weights! And make sure you join the sort of sports club where the members socialise a lot. You’re not there to become an Olympic hopeful, you’re there to meet men! Continue Reading

It’s always a joy watching a small child with it’s family – but especially here. All around the world, everybody loves rearing small children – but African families can certainly teach the west a thing or two. Children here live in a rich social environment. They tend to be cared for not only by parents and grandparents, but also by older siblings and maybe several young aunts – all of whom are likely to be experienced with small children. Continue Reading

Does this sound familiar? He says she doesn’t meet his emotional needs. She says that’s because he’s never there! He never comes home before midnight. She feels neglected and withdraws emotionally. So he’s not there physically and she’s not there in spirit. It’s no wonder they can’t get close anymore.

This kind of problem can be about communication skills. But more likely you’ve forgotten that you both need one another! For love, comfort, support, and emotional security. Because without that closeness, couples can’t trust one another. You’re too busy feeling afraid. Just like children need a parent, adults need to feel attached to a romantic partner. And so we become anxious when our partner can’t meet our needs. Continue Reading

It’s always incredibly painful when a marriage breaks up. Almost the worst thing that can happen in our lives. But things do go wrong in relationships, no matter how hard we try. And so all over the world divorce is seen as an unfortunate necessity. Few societies see it as a moral issue, and all societies have social or legal procedures for divorce. In fact the most common attitude is that if a couple can’t get along together, they’re better living apart.

The reasons men and women give for divorcing are many and varied: arguments, insults, rejection, drunkenness, inability to listen, no sense of humour, watching too much football… Continue Reading

Despite everything you hear, most of us form long term relationships. And stay in them. We fall in love, have children and raise a family. Over the years our affection deepens and the bond strengthens. But things don’t always go right. During the bad times, there’s more shouting and blaming. Less appreciation and touching. Fewer moments of joy.

But we cope.

Because good partnerships are not just about love. They require skill and determination. And hard work. For every couple. Believing that great relationships somehow happen all by themselves is the quickest way to become single again. Continue Reading

Sometimes it’s so obvious, it might as well be on a billboard. You both know it’s over. But in so many relationships, one of you’s the last to know. You’re busy planning your next holiday together, while your partner’s planning to leave. But there are always warning signs. So watch out for them. And take them seriously. Because how you treat each other then is what makes all the difference. Between going through a rough patch – and splitting up.

Timing is the first thing. Problems mostly arise when circumstances are changing. For either of you. A new job, moving house, the death of someone close. Any major event in your lives puts the strongest relationship under pressure. Moving house or a new job is stressful – and exposes us to new people. And when you think how many of us meet our spouse at work, the possibilities are endless. A death in the family can make you look hard at yourself – and your partner. Testing out your true feelings. And if things don’t feel quite right, you’ll end up searching for someone new…

Watch out too, if your relationship’s approaching a critical ‘next step’. Like it’s time you moved in together, got married, had a baby, bought a house… Maybe one of you is holding back for some reason. A bit of pressure from your partner might make you overcome your doubts – or send you scurrying off in dismay. So don’t push too hard. Leaving can seem the better option if you’re not being allowed enough time to make your decision. Continue Reading

You expect intimacy, companionship and comfort from your partner. Someone to spend time with, confide in, have fun with, rely on and trust. And yet even in a good relationship, it’s possible to feel lonely.

Like when you’re lying in bed together, but don’t feel able to touch your partner. Or your conversations are friendly enough, but you don’t feel understood. Or you can’t talk to your partner about things that are important to you. Something’s missing – and so you’re lonely. Continue Reading

Sex is much more than just a quick cuddle under the sheets. It fills our lives with joy – and is far more than just a physical pleasure. For women especially, it’s a lot to do with feeling at one with our partner. Continuing enjoyment rather than a single experience. Women often describe their best sexual experiences as coming from caresses all over their bodies – not just from the obvious places. Places like fingers and toes. Lips. The back of the neck. Even earlobes. And not only from receiving, but also from the pleasure of arousing their partner. Sex is a promise to both give and take.

When close and loving couples hold hands, they’re having sex. When they exchange a hug, caress or kiss, they’re having sex. Exchanging sexy thoughts in the form of secret winks across a crowded room. Which means foreplay starts long before you get into the bedroom. It’s about lovers caring about each other all day. And doing things together that don’t seem sexual at all. Like helping with the dishes. All these things help you feel more bonded and ready for intimacy. ‘After-play’ is just as important. Rather than jumping up after lovemaking, stay close, physically and emotionally – at least until the realities of life intrude again! Continue Reading